It's All Uncharted

I have been on a serious Sara Bareilles kick these days. I'm in love with these lyrics. One song goes
"I'm going down, follow if you want, I won't just hang around, Like you'll show me where to go. I'm already out of foolproof ideas, so don't ask me how to get started. It's all uncharted"


I don't know why I love that quote so much- it reminds me of how it felt to get on that plane in August, when I thought of all the people I left behind, some I miss terribly, others I couldn't wait to get away from. It's kind of like my declaration, "I'm leaving, you can come with me and follow me if you want, but I'm not wasting my time doing things people expect of me. I'm off to explore my own life."


I've been thinking about this idea recently, I think about some of the drama over the past couple years of my life- and I honestly feel like the people involved have dropped of the face of the Earth (or that I moved to the other side of it...ha). I no longer worry about what this guy might think, or who is invited where. It's all so stupid. As I crossed the Atlantic Ocean, it all faded into the background, it's all white noise now. This is the beginning of the next chapter in my life, hopefully a happier and lighter chapter that focuses on me and who I want to be. It will not involve people who try to hinder my progress on becoming a better person.


Of course I miss my family and I would love to be with them right now. The same goes for my great friends I left in the States, and this post is in no way about them. It's about the people who ever made me feel inadequate or small. It's for the people who chipped away at my self-confidence until I wasn't comfortable being me anymore. In a way it's a huge screw you to every single one of them.


This past year had been a transition for me. I went from the girl peers expected me to be, to being that complete opposite, and now finally figuring out who I am and what I want to be. In the words of my favorite person in the whole world, "I want somebody to love me for who I am." I'm finally on my way to finding the few select people who do love me for who I am. And for those lucky few, I will be there forever. There is no point anymore for me to be a different person so people will accept me. 


I'm finding my balance. My equalibirium is coming back. And it's the biggest relief.


Maybe that is why I don't want to leave.




We'll see what happens in December!


Ciao Bella


If you want to listen to the Sara Bareilles Song
If you want to listen to the Nick Jonas Song