Someday I'll Be Living in a Big Old City...Oh Wait I Am

I spent this weekend in, which is why I do not have a huge post about how crazy my weekend was. I did go out Friday, but I didn't enjoy myself really. I think because I was still not feeling well.

But now that I have had two consecutive nights of 8 hours of sleep, I feel so much better. I started running again-- I slacked off during Fall Break-- and nothing gets my endorphines pumping like sprinting to new Taylor Swift. After nearly an hour on the treadmill, everything seemed farther away, my worries about my classes this semester and the stressful course load I'll have next semester. I made a deal with myself, after my huge Women's Studies paper was turned in, I would let myself have a little fun. I'm not going to waste my time focusing on stupid mistakes and worrying over little grammatical mistakes in my papers. I'm in Rome, I need to remember it's more important to see the Parthenon as much as possible, to walk down via del corso, to order vino della casa and have a great conversation with my new friends.

When did it become so important to believe that what other's thought of you was more important than what you thought of yourself? Why am I still convinced that people will think badly of me if I say something stupid or make a mistake in a class? I know this isn't something that I should be worried about. You can write "I am beautiful" a million times in a notebook, but you will look in the mirror and still see your flaws. The most important question is why do I care while I'm Italy. I don't need the Carabinieri to look at me with those piercing blue eyes for validation. Yes, it is nice and it makes you put a little more swing in your walk. But the most important thing is to make sure you feel beautiful, for yourself.

I'm thinking of Taylor Swift's song "Mean" when it says "Someday I'll be living in a big old city and all you'll ever gonna be is mean. Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me, and all you'll ever gonna be is mean." I would post a video but I can't find one that doesn't have the sound pitched or is just a clip of the song. But I like that line nevertheless, It reminds me so much of what got me through my school years, from 6th grade through senior year. I knew that soon enough I would be in a big city far away from all the drama and catty behavior of all the girls in my school. I would dance around my room with my hairbrush singing anything from Spice Girls to Kelly Clarkson and even Taylor Swift--knowing that I was going to be busting out of St. Paul, Minnesota soon enough.

And here I am, over 5,000 miles away. I am studying in Rome and I live and go to school in Chicago. Looks like my dreams did come true.

Ciao Bella